you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
