Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
