Your face is a jimmy john
I think i peed on brittanys purse
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
