I am puke
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
