No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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