Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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