my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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