used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
