I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My breasts were aching with rage.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
