Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
