I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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