$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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