Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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