i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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