Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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