We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
