Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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