can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
