3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
