i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
