you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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