Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
