apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize