He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
