i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
