ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
two words: eviction party
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
