Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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