Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"