found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.