Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
