Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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