no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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