It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
