Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
COCAINE IS GR8
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
