I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
