she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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