Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
smell my finger.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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