wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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