is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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