i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
