I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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