You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
