how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I smell stomach acid.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
