Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
