I want to walk on stilts...naked
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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