She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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