I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
