Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
