You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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