I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
