My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
