She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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