Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How external is "for external use only"?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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