I cannot find my penis.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
