kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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