I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
