Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ladies don't puke and tell
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
