If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
