Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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