drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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