hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
