I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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